I Bow to Bob

Kuddos to Dylan
On his recent Nobel
He really deserves it
His words are just swell

And here I have finished
My next mystery story
Though I do not expect
Such fame or much glory

No, the reason I
Continue writing
The thing I find
The most exciting

Is readers who tell me
My books make them happy
They like to laugh
They’re okay with sappy

Silly characters?
Every single one!
Unlikely plots?
Hey, that’s what’s so fun

So Unexpected’s
My latest endeavor
I hope to keep writing
Both now and forever

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Unexpected is available on Amazon!!!

Yellow Fellows

These are too green
Those are too ripe
This is my regular
Banana-eating gripe

For a banana aged just so
I am rather finicky
In persuit of that perfect yellow
I can get myself persnickety

So bananas young and old
Sit on my kitchen shelf
And to save trips to the market
I wish for a banana-buying elf

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Mishap Recap

The fridge condenser went kaput
The AC coolant flopped
The spot under the kitchen sink
Got flooded and had to be mopped

Plumbing troubles, AC headaches,
And a refrigerator starting to leak?
All at once? Without warning?
All this happened to me this week

A new fridge is on order
The AC got re-booted
The plumbing fix was under 300
Labor being included

I guess my week of mishaps
Could have been much worse
So I put all these toils and troubles
Into this here little verse

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Pillow Talk

I require precise
Pillow proportions
Or else my neck
Goes into contorions

Pillows too flat
They make me sad
Pillows too fat
They make me mad

Don’t ask me to sleep
On pillows too lumpy
In case you’re not sure
They make me grumpy

Not too squooshy
Is also required
But if a pillow’s too hard
It also gets fired

I’m very particular
What goes under my head
When I put on my pj’s
And climb into bed
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Get Lost

Patient, zen,
And rather sublime
That’s not me,
Cuz’ most of the time

I get angry, upset,
And totally distraught
Over stupid stuff
That really ought

Not trouble me at all.
Not important. Nada. Zip.
But I get worked up
And then let it rip

One really bad habit
I can’t seem to break
You’d think the end of the world
Or close was at stake

Is when I lose something
I stored away securely
And now I can’t find it
Folks, stand back for the fury

Where IS the stupid thing?
I put it in this drawer
It was only last week
I know it! I’m sure!

I scramble the contents
Why isn’t it there?
It’s gotta be here
Oh, life is so unfair!

I slam the drawer shut
And move on to the next
It better be here
Or I’ll get really vexed

My blood pressure soars
My heart gets to racing
I flap my arms
And then commence pacing

Ranting and raging
This goes on for a while
I already warned you
Zen’s just not my style

Do I ever find
Whatever I lost
I almost always do
But boy, at what cost.

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Recipe Index

My mother had some index cards
And her Betty Crocker book
Grandma didn’t even have that
And she made a living as a cook!

But then there’s me, who cooks,
Like, maybe once a week
Who has two hundred recipes
For every dish I seek

Two shelves full of cookbooks
For every ethnicity and diet
Here’s one for vegan Italian
Oh, honey, we must buy it

With my monthly Martha Stewart mag
I tear out this, that and the other
I have six recipes for pickled seaweed
And could surely use another

Pasta sauce recipes? Oh, honey
I have a hundred, at least
But of course I stick to my two favorites
For most every pasta feast

Right now I’m on a bundt cake kick
Chocolate mocha’s just the start
And when I’m done with this obsession
I’ll move onto lemon tarts
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The Red Carpet

Like the Super Bowl
Which I watch for the ads
The Oscars I watch
To see fashion fads

I love to see
What they wear
How they’ve dressed up
And what’s done with their hair

The red carpet parade
Is really the best
I seldom stay awake
Through all the rest

The jewelry, I hear
Is mostly on loan
I mean, just take a look
At the size of that stone

Best actor or actress?
Best picture or score?
What I will remember
Is what they all wore

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Get Well Soon

When hubby’s rundown
In bed and sick
I always wonder
What is the trick?

What should I do?
I’m a terrible nurse
In this piece of wifedom
He couldn’t get worse

Should we go to the doc?
Is it really that serious?
What is the temperature
When he might get delirious?

Eat chicken soup
And drink lots of tea
If you need more than that
Don’t look at me

Call your mother, I say
She’ll know what’s best
If you’re sick another day
I’ll need a rest

Lucky for us
He’s a real healthy guy
Otherwise my nursing skills
Might make him cry

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Sniffles and Sneezes

My throat is sore
My sinuses hurt
I’m wearing three layers
Under this shirt

My nose is running
I’m out of tissues
To name just a few
Of my current issues

Took Vitamin C
And got a flu shot
So why am I feeling
Like such total rot?

I’m a little perturbed
By this late winter bug
But that’s my excuse
To act like a slug

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