Whose Muse

This is nothing
But a lame excuse
But blame this week’s stupor
On my difficult muse
Whatever I tried
My muse did refuse
To offer anything that
Might remotely amuse

Here it is, Sunday night
And my poem is really bad
Considering my standards
This is truly sad!
Maybe these next few days
My muse will turn to glad
And what I end up writing
Will somehow turn out rad

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Get Lost

You can’t miss it!
Well, take a guess what
The phrase fills me with fear
And puts knots in my gut

If there’s a way to get lost
That’s all I will find
The landmark’s dissappeared
Drives me out of my mind

The GPS system
On my fancy smart-phone
Generally speaking
Can get me back home

But it does make mistakes
That’s what I think
And I find myself lost
Before my eyes blink

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I handle life’s challenges with zero aplomb
To every little issue I quickly succumb
And start screaming bad words at the top of my lungs

The coffee’s too weak, and the cereal is soggy
I need gas in the car and the weather’s turned foggy
And I haven’t thought of a poem for my stupid weekly bloggy

The battery’s gone dead on the kitchen clock
And I can’t find the match to my most favorite sock
And my brilliant idea the boss just summarily blocked

These types of traumas put me over the top
And make my blood pressure do the opposite of drop
Even when I take a deep breath and tell myself to stop

I do yoga and long walks for some zen-ish insight
To which my foul moods say “Get serious. Yeah, right!
Now you’re all sweaty and your hair looks a fright.”

Yes, other people seem way more well-adjusted
In patience and sanity they seem to be encrusted
I wonder, can these people really be trusted?

Betty the Cat’s Summertime Blues

Off of the edge of our screened-in porch
Betty the cat did see
A chipmunk running to and fro
With energy and glee

The chipmunk ran around the corner
Merrily here and there
Betty sputtered disapproval
Her garden she does not share

Chipmunk hopped upon the trellis
And stuck out his tongue to her
Betty’s tail got big and wide
And trust me she did not purr

But Betty, in truth, was happy too
An indoor cat she is
Watching the critters just out of her reach
Gives her hours of joy and bliss

World’s Worst Volunteer

I should have said no, but instead I said yes
And now my life is one big huge fat stress
Let me hearby confess
I volunteered for good causes and boy what a mess

I said yes to Kathy and Valerie, too
Church causes and writers groups to name but a few
Asked me to step forward, I donned my volunteer shoe
And then out of the blue
I had this, that, and the other to do, do ,do, do.

Five phone calls, three meetings and scheduling events
This is how my week got spent
Volunteering my time, I now solemnly lament
And risking Hell, where I’ll likely be sent
I now know never to allow my resolve to be bent

Next time I’ll say no, whatever the worthy cause
To be honest losing me won’t be much of a loss
Since when I’m stressed out to the max I get downright cross.

Ode to Champagne

Oh, the horror of it
It happened, it’s true
I opened my fridge
And knew I was through

No champagne!

I searched on the shelf
I checked in the door
I went to the cupboard
Hoping to score

No champagne!

I ran to my neighbor’s
And told her the troubley
I asked if I might borrow
A cupful of bubbly

No champagne!

She searched in her fridge
And double-checked in the door
She went to her cupboard
Hoping to score

No champagne!

Continuing my quest
I hopped into my car
Surely a supply of the stuff
Couldn’t be far?

No champagne!

To the market I hastened
I cut through the crowds
Made a beeline for the wine cooler
And shouted out loud


I bought a dozen bottles
There’s a discount that way
And ignoring the disapproving glances
Stepped up to pay

Oh Champagne!

The refrigerator replenished
My cupboard completed
I raised up my goblet
And this solemn vow repeated

Oh Champagne!

Life is too short
So I shall take a firm stand
To always keep a champagne stash
Chilled and on hand