Aplomb-less

Posted on August 12, 2012 by cbmuser

I handle life’s challenges with zero aplomb
To every little issue I quickly succumb
And start screaming bad words at the top of my lungs

The coffee’s too weak, and the cereal is soggy
I need gas in the car and the weather’s turned foggy
And I haven’t thought of a poem for my stupid weekly bloggy

The battery’s gone dead on the kitchen clock
And I can’t find the match to my most favorite sock
And my brilliant idea the boss just summarily blocked

These types of traumas put me over the top
And make my blood pressure do the opposite of drop
Even when I take a deep breath and tell myself to stop

I do yoga and long walks for some zen-ish insight
To which my foul moods say “Get serious. Yeah, right!
Now you’re all sweaty and your hair looks a fright.”

Yes, other people seem way more well-adjusted
In patience and sanity they seem to be encrusted
I wonder, can these people really be trusted?

Salute to William Gilbert

Posted on July 1, 2012 by cbmuser

The Pirates of Penzance I did go to see
Gilbert and Sullivan is a definite guarantee
For nonsense to reign and let logic get set free
Just the thing to bring me happiness and glee

Gilbert, the master, could always find a rhyme
For any word or situation, he did it every time
Out of every muddle, mishap, and hill the hero had to climb
Because a sad ending would really be a crime

The stories are ridiculous, the characters are trite
But Mr. Gilbert was never ever any too uptight
To describe every silly saga as a perilous plight
Much to my sheer and thoroughly entertained delight

The silliest stanzas get repeated and repeated
Never, ever, ever would they ever be deleted
Since we the audience would then feel rather cheated
For the show for which we were staying seated

In comparison my own poems are almost somewhat serious
Although I try to make each one extremely cheerious
I could write until my eyes were bloodshot and blearious
And never come up with something quite so downright delirious

R.I.P. X-15

Posted on June 26, 2012 by cbmuser

I miss my Kodak X-15
My little old camera I have not seen
Since I was young, maybe in college
In the good old days when my technical knowledge
Was adequate enough
To operate my stuff

Flash cube in place, X-15 was ready to go
I click-clicked away at whatever the show
Film came in 12, 24, or 36 prints
And working the thing took very few hints
Just open the little shutter and click for Lord’s sake
A degree in computer science X-15 did not take

This digital nonsense is not for me
My I-phone camera drives me bonkers-crazy
Hoping to capture an image for Face Book
I turn the thing on and take another look
But alas, I did not slide slide or push button
And the photo I wanted has long since been forgotten

So Face Book friends see little from yours truly
My %$#@&* camera is just too unruly
My X-15 long gone I do mourn
I miss the good old days of yesterday and yorn
When I could take a photo whenever the mood struck
When it took no techno-skill, just simple dumb luck

Where Ice Cream Comes From

Posted on June 12, 2012 by cbmuser

Open house at a Vermont creamery
Where they produce ice cream downright dreamery
Maple, chocolate, and even blueberrery

Dairy farmers have to make ends meet
By staying on their toes and on their feet
No time for sitting on their seat

Cheese-makers, ice cream-makers, goat-milkers and more
All of them working hard to try to be sure
Of paying the bills whatever the future has in store

We saw alpacas, a pig, and a cow, of course
As a way to spend an afternoon, we could have done worse
Than to see where ice cream comes from, right at the source.

Betty the Cat’s Summertime Blues

Posted on June 2, 2012 by cbmuser

Off of the edge of our screened-in porch
Betty the cat did see
A chipmunk running to and fro
With energy and glee

The chipmunk ran around the corner
Merrily here and there
Betty sputtered disapproval
Her garden she does not share

Chipmunk hopped upon the trellis
And stuck out his tongue to her
Betty’s tail got big and wide
And trust me she did not purr

But Betty, in truth, was happy too
An indoor cat she is
Watching the critters just out of her reach
Gives her hours of joy and bliss

Comma Trauma

Posted on May 20, 2012 by cbmuser

I’ve never been the Queen of Drama,
But the Oxford Comma
Causes me stress, strain, and trauma.

Semi-colons by comparison are easy;
Their rules are far less breezy.
No need to get all ill, upset, or queasy.

Periods don’t take a whole lot of thought.
They never make me even mildly distraught,
Happily aiding my characters, dialogue, and plot.

What about exclamation points, the curious might ask.
Are they apt to lead you to the flask?
No. Not even those are a chore, job, or task.

Sweet little colons are also not too bad
I use them so seldom; they make me not sad.
And as this poem finds an end, aren’t you happy, joyful, and glad?

But comma dilemmas really haunt me a lot.
The nuances of usage I still do not got.
But enough of this silliness, absurdity, and rot.

Chihuahua Dreamin’

Posted on May 13, 2012 by cbmuser

Hubby says I’ve gone completely ga-ga
Because I really, really want a chihuahua

Friends warn me they go yippity-yappity
But I’ve never heard even one go zippity-zappity

What simply can’t be variable
I want a dog that’s completely carryable

And a chihuahua’s demeanor seems so happy-go-lucky
Even around great big dogs, they are rather plucky

But Betty the cat insists our house will not hold
Both her and a tail-wagging creature so bold

So alas my chihuahua remains just a wild hope
Until one day still dogless, I won’t be able to cope

Hip Hip Hooray

Posted on April 29, 2012 by cbmuser

I’m running away–in one week I’ll be free
The semester is ending and my heart fills with glee
Some final exams and then graduation. Tee-hee!

Students would be scandalized, if they did know
How doing without them makes my heart glow
Okay, so my incentive to teach is at an all time low

Blame me if you wish, but please get out of my way
Summer is upon us and I ain’t wasting a day
Worrying about work. It is time to play.

Hip hip hooray!

Don’t Be Cross at Spanish Moss

Posted on April 19, 2012 by cbmuser

Biking on Jekyll Island one is bound
To see Spanish Moss all around
It’s everywhere, everywhere, from sky to ground

It hangs in high branches and falls out of trees
Sometimes it just swings up there, enjoying the breeze

For some reason palm trees are devoid of the stuff
But live oaks? Let me tell you, they can’t get enough

What’s amazingly terrific?
Spanish Moss is epiphytic
It causes no alarming harm
But only adds disarming charm

A Love Poem, of Sorts

Posted on April 15, 2012 by cbmuser

Technology is my friend. Not.
Talent at my computer I really don’t got
Good thing I have Hubby, who has patience a lot
And constantly saves me from every rough spot

Excel Spreadsheet or Adobe Acrobat?
This kind of stuff makes my brain go splat-splat
But hubby keeps the hazards from laying me out flat
And never tells me I’m stupider than the cat

Hubby does all my updates and any computer duty
The stuff that makes me use words like gosh-darn and phooey
Indeed, when I see him with my laptop I get downright gooey

CB Mysteries

Cozy mysteries with humor and romance by Cindy Blackburn

Category Archives: Humor